Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
