Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
