Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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