I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
