wrigley field is MILF paradise
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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