i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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