When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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