Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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