worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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