dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
