we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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