Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
