Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
