Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
