I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
