I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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