i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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