whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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