So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
