you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
