he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's like iHOP with fire
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
