you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
