Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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