my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
