i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
