i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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