Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
