I feel like abortions should bother me more
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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