there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
