This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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