You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
