My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
