I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
