i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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