she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
