just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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