a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
