I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
