Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
