my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
