Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
