Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
love makes seman taste better
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
