I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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