Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
