Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
