It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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