I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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