Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
