New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
