I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
