Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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