Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
