the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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