im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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